||[Apr. 27th, 2008|10:08 am]
On the train Wednesday about 3pm. A man in his twenties jumped on just as the train was leaving and sat down opposite me. He made several phone calls in the hour between Glasgow and Perth and it wasn't a matter of listening in as much as not being able to block it out. The following account of his day is pieced together from all the calls.|
He had been through to Glasgow for an interview - he was supposed to start some sort of work training placement but had failed to attend. He phoned his girlfriend to let her know that he was on his way home but the train was delayed (it wasn't) and that they had accepted his explanation that she had been sick and that he had looked after their child, then he had been offered a few days work by a family friend, but it hadn't resulted in a job. Bottle of buckie in hand, he told her that he had stopped off to see a friend after the interview, but no, he hadn't had a drink. He was going to get a mate to pick him up off the train and drop him off at hers.
He hung up on his girlfriend when she was talking away by telling her we were going into a tunnel (we weren't), and phoned another woman. He told her he was on his way back through from Glasgow and needed to come over to her house to shower. He explained what had happened at the interview and that afterward he had dropped into the pub, sat down with two girls for a pint and ended up getting it away with one of them in the toilets and he needed to sort himself out before going to see the girlfriend. She agreed to pick him up off the train.
He then played three Nickelback songs incredibly loudly through his phone whilst preening in the train window, texting and rearranging the coloured slidey things on his trainers into pleasing patterns.
Talking to a male friend he went through the story again, including that both of the girls from the pub were texting him, and he might be back at the weekend to see one or both of them if he fancied meeting up. Also, wondering if the wee man will be up to much if he also got one away with the girl who was picking him up from the station, as the girlfriend would be suspicious if he couldn't perform that night. After shagging her mother (!) he thought he should really be more careful.
I was trying to work and ignore him, but it was impossible - I was in stitches the whole journey. I felt like someone was going to jump out of the toilet with a camera and tell me it was all a big wind up.
I don't know how much of it was true, but it was far and away the best conversation(s) I have ever overheard. Thanks, you workshy amoral asshole. Hope you get your comeuppance soon.